Oh, to be younger and beautiful

Oh lordy, I can't stand it. I find myself in love with my favorite bartender during Happy Hour. Unfotunately there is a 30 years age difference between us which is impossible for him I am sure. It would not be a problem for me but I am sure we don't share that much in common but he is such a sweet guy. I can't stand it sometimes. I want him, I desire him, etc., etc. Oh, for one night with him. Could I take that? Could he take that? Would that change our "professional" relationship as customer/bartender? I would not want to change that so I must repress myself. I can only dream of what might have been if I have met him earlier in my life. As for fantacizing, that does not do me much good as I feel that would only sour my feeling for him as a person and as a very good bartender who knows how to work the crowd. At this, he is an expert. Oh well, as usual, I was born too early in the 20th Century. I do not identify with my age group but I know my desires are way out of line with what other people desire. I also realize that this is equivalent to some sort of high school infatuation with someone of desire whom I can't have. Well, it has not been easy since one of my closest friends died from cancer a few years ago and now I am at the age where beginning a new relationship of any type is next to impossible. Oh, problems, problems, problems. Too bad I cannot travel back in time. Ha! Oh well, this is a hell of a way to come out to many people who did not know much about me but I AM WHAT I AM. I did not ask to be this way as others did not ask to be what they are. Too bad that the religious right has other ideas. They are such fools. Well, time to eat something to counteract the booze in me. hahaha Good night my friends, good night and take care.